Twas the War before Christmas

Twas the last month of ’15, and nearly every single day,
one could hear screams and shouts when wished Happy Holidays!

“War on Christmas” season was at an all time high,
beginning this year with a red coffee cup crime.

“Persecution!” they cried, when they got not their way.
Then they pissed and they moaned ’til they again got their say.

Here majority rules, and the white folks’re irate,
for the U.S. of A is a one-party Christmas state.

I’m a connoisseur of sorts of the so-called “War on Christmas.” It’s fascinating how the by-far dominant cultural holiday in this country could be considered to have a war against it, not to mention the different ways its expressed. Especially when the celebration of Christmas lasts more than a month before the actual day itself. Not only that, Christmas has notable Christan roots, and nonetheless, people of all religions (and lack thereof) enjoy celebrating it because of the way it has been seamlessly co-opted into the culture.

You can’t hardly go anywhere without being reminded that it’s once again Christmas time. Department stores, non-profit organizations, art galleries, and city streets all have reminders in them that it is the holiday season, the symbols of which are ubiquitous to landscapes covered in snow. But like any totalitarian leader, any attempt at delegitimizing the universal rule of Santa Claus is met with complete and utter destruction. Even sincere greetings like “Happy holidays” have been turned into fighting words because they don’t appropriately recognize and consecrate the dear leader.

“… any attempt at delegitimizing the universal rule of Santa Claus is met with complete and utter destruction.”


You can learn a lot by studying the habits of those who profess to be convinced of the legitimacy of the war on Christmas. At minimum, books by George Orwell will mean more to you. And what’s more, those looking to learn more about how the human condition could have been taken in by such political systems as fascism and communism need only look to how otherwise sensible people operate during this most auspicious time of the year.

I myself am still studying this phenomenon. So perhaps, someday, I’ll be able to publish my complete findings on the cultural consequences of Christmasism. But in the meantime, I simply want to wish everyone a happy holidays free of persecution (real or perceived)!

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