Despite my better instincts, I feel like I need to weigh in on the matter of transgender people needing to use the bathroom. In fact, I’m not alone: despite everyone’s better instincts, this has become a nationwide topic, no doubt to the embarrassment of basically every transgender person who has ever been out in public and then had to pee. This is one of the most ridiculous topics I can even imagine writing about.
But our hands have been forced. Collectively, as a society, we need to have a sober conversation about the fact that a certain group of people in our communities has to use the bathroom sometime. So how did this happen? Well, in a nutshell, representatives in the legislatures of a couple different states, most famously North Carolina, decided it was a good idea to protect their constituents from the ongoing threat of transgender individuals preying on innocent bystanders in public bathrooms. Seriously, it happens all the time in the minds of the people who have been writing these bills. In the real world, where their constituents actually live, there has never been a single goddamn instance of a transgender person assaulting or otherwise harassing someone in the bathroom. Period. This is regardless of which bathroom they were in! It doesn’t fucking happen!
I’m tempted to leave it at that, to simply let the actions of transphobic representatives speak louder about themselves than about the people they’re attempting to discriminate against… and I’m going to, because I don’t have anything more to say about this matter that hasn’t already been said. So I’ll just leave you with a hip-hop sonnet that I recently wrote about the upcoming election that touches briefly on the topic at hand. Enjoy!
What’s the next one?
Here I gotta ask what the next’s gonna be
laden with the knowledge that the future’s not seen
and we gotta pick a crook in a total election
of a winner-take-all run of power erections
to find an asshole that we trust with the button
that ends all life with a billion truncheons.
‘Cause we forget that the bomb is a fact of life
and instead we talk of bathrooms as the base of strife
when more politicians have sex stall scandals
than the trans world could with a life size Ken doll.
The fix to our woes ain’t a wall or prayer
when the minds of the world burn under our hair,
so we need to lean more on our cranial power
at times like this when our souls tend to cower.
(Seriously, just let them go pee where they feel comfortable. If you can’t go to a public bathroom without having personal knowledge of the genitals of everyone else in that room, I’m afraid you’re the one with the issue.)